This section of quotes and sayings on women contain some of the funniest quotes about women said by various famous people.

Funny Quotes About Women

On the sixth day of creating the universe, God created his most precious creation, Adam, the first human. But gradually, Adam became tired of leading a solitary life, and observing this, God created Eve, the first woman, out of Adams rib. Since that time women are considered the most precious gift God presented to man. But there are many who had second thoughts about this, including a number of intellectuals and celebrities. Thus, came into being, an unending list of witty quotes which describe women in a completely different light. And surely, these quotes were not seriously cited, but have become a part of the popular/alternate history now. These quotes command an equally apt reply from a woman quoted to and hence can also be used as ice breakers or conversation starters, or argument starters in this case. But, even before you think of using these, we disown any claim whatsoever on the utility of these quotes.

Funny Quotes About Women
  • "As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied." - Oscar Wilde
  • "One of the reasons I don't see eye to eye with Women's Lib is that women have it all on a plate if only they knew it. They don't have to be pretty either." - Charlotte Rampling
  • "When women kiss it always reminds me of prize fighters shaking hands." - HL Mencken.
  • "When a woman becomes a scholar there is usually something wrong with her sexual organs." - Friedrich Nietzsche
  • "Nature intended women to be our slaves. They are our property." - Napoleon Bonaparte
  • "If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." - Aristotle Onassis
  • "Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?" - Rita Rudner
  • "Most women are not as young as they are painted." - Max Beerbohm
  • "When women go wrong, men go right after them." - Mae West
  • "Women are nothing but machines for producing children." - Napoleon Bonaparte
  • "An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her." - Agatha Christie
  • "Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no-one likes to have to keep one." - WC Fields
  • "Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good? Luckily, this is not difficult." - Charlotte Whitton
  • "Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself." - Roseanne Barr
  • "A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's - That's because she changes it more often." - Oliver Hereford
  • "My wife is the sort of woman who gives necrophilia a bad name." - Patrick Murray
  • "What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce." - Mark Twain.
  • "As Miss America, my goal is to bring peace to the entire world and then get my own apartment." - Jay Leno
  • "Men are superior to women. For one thing, men can urinate from a speeding car." - Will Durst
  • Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement." - Mark Twain
  • "Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question that has never been answered: What does a woman want?" - Sigmund Freud
  • "When a woman behaves like a man, why doesn't she behave like a nice man?" - Edith Evans
  • "Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, 'Government Health Warning: women can seriously damage your brains, genitals, current account, confidence, razor blades, and good standing among your friends'." - Jeffrey Bernard
  • "No man knows more about women than I do, and I know nothing." -Seymour Hicks
  • "When I have one foot in the grave, I will tell the whole truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me and say, 'Do what you like now'." - Leo Tolstoy
  • "Women are an alien race set down among us." - John Updike